Once upon a time, there was a man who dressed in blue, with silly black boots that seemed too big for his feet, and a silly black cap that hung over his eyes; he stood at six foot two and had a funny little moustache. Some of the children in the neighbourhood thought him a strange little character; they did not understand why their parents told them to stay away from him. Sometimes he even played with the children from the big, white houses and handed them sweets on their birthdays.
The man carried silly tools on his belt; a wooden stick that reminded the children of the ones they used to hit colourful unicorns and dragons at parties, so delicious candies would fall out, and a weird gadget that would shoot lightening when he pressed it. Sometimes he carried a water pistol in his pocket, and he would point it at the children he played with. They would even play dead.
One day the man in blue came to the neighbourhood. There was a beautiful house on the corner of the street; it was full of vibrant pinks and purples and sparkled in the sunlight. The man used his stick to break down the big purple doors. He found a family sitting at the table eating dinner. He hurried over to the little boy’s plate and scoffed all the food in his mouth. He then spat it out.
“This food is disgusting! This food is too hot! This food is not right for me, it’s just not!” he shouted, as he threw the plate to the floor.
He then ran into the living room and the family followed. A delicately embroidered tapestry of a stunning woman with sunflowers in her hair, hung on the wall. She wore a glittering gold necklace and earrings, and a patchwork dress of reds, browns, oranges, and yellows that draped onto the floor. The little boy always thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
The man in blue tore the tapestry down and ripped the woman in two. “Where are the blues and reds and whites?” he screamed.
“I do not like the oranges and yellows and browns! Why is there this woman in that hideous gown! What happened to white castles with Kings on their thrones? Standing in tall towers cast in blood and bone? Where did that woman find that gold to wear? What is wrong with her face and what is wrong with her hair? She looks nothing like me, diddly squat! This is not right to me, it’s just not!”
The mother was crying and comforting the little boy, who was scared of the man in blue and his funny little temper. The father spoke softly and calmly and told the man in blue to leave his house.
The man shouted back. “My ancestors built this house! This house belongs to me!”.
“You are scaring my child and upsetting my wife”, the father said, even more gentle this time, and told the man in blue to leave his house once again.
“You are threatening me in my neighbourhood! I have lived here all my life! You do not belong here, you’re just not right!”
The father spoke one last time and told the man to leave his house.
The man in blue took out his weird little gadget and lightening came out and struck the father. The mother and little boy cried in terror.
“You scared me!” the man cried, “You made me fear for my life! You people are monsters, you are just not right!”.
He got out his bat and hit the mother over the head. But Sweets and chocolates did not fall out.
Then the funny little man in blue, with his silly black boots and a silly black cap, ran out of my house and never came back.
First Person – Present
A couple of years have gone by since the Man in Blue came to Tea. I was no longer a child, no longer so small. I had grown strong and brave and extremely tall. I towered over the other kids who had grown up too and we still lived in the same neighbourhood as the new Man in Blue.
Except this man had a black cap that fitted his head and he did not wear his shiny black boots wherever he tread. He never pointed his water gun at the kids in the park nor hit fathers with thunder and lightning-blue sparks. He did not carry a bat or scream and shout; he gave sweets to children from every street and every town, and none of them thought him a strange little clown.
But the most important thing of them all about the new Man in Blue…
Was that I only came to tea when I was invited.